I’VE SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE SCARED
Yep. Almost my whole life, I’ve been scared to do anything out of my comfort zone. But scary is good!
My comfort zone pretty much involves my house and comfy clothes. As long as I can remember, the thought of being in front of other human beings scared me unless I was very close to them. I HATED going to school. I hated leaving my mama’s car every morning and walking in front of people by myself to my classroom. It made me physically ill every morning before school. I was usually “okay” once I got to school, but I prayed that a teacher wouldn’t call on me and that the attention wouldn’t be on me. I actually left parties as a teenager almost immediately after arriving because I was so uncomfortable being there.
BAND WAS MY COMFORT ZONE
So I started playing the flute in 5th grade. I loved it! I loved playing it so much that I thought I’d attend a music school and get a degree in performance. Yeah…I don’t know what I was thinking. I HATED performing in front of people. Literally every time before a performance, even if it wasn’t a solo, I’d get sick. It wasn’t until I auditioned for the music program at UNC-Greensboro that I decided to take a different route in life.
I really wanted to attend UNC-Chapel Hill (yeah, a boy) and the only way I thought I’d get there is to join the ROTC program. I also did a simultaneous program with the North Carolina National Guard. Got to UNC, and wasn’t with that boy any more, but I thought, “Hey! This could be a good thing. I’ll join the Army.” Then I realized I was going to have to be in front of people…and talk…and give commands. This wasn’t like band. I was way outside my comfort zone. But then I met my husband. We decided that we didn’t want to be a dual military family. I was released from ROTC and my contract with the guard, and I quit school. After moving to be with my husband (after we eloped) 9 months later, I worked and eventually went back to school to finish my degree.
MY BABY CHANGED EVERYTHING
Somewhere along the way I stopped caring so much about what others thought. Maybe it was having a new baby who had special needs so I didn’t even focus on myself anymore (which in some ways was bad). It was all about her so I didn’t care so much about what others thought. I still cared…just not as much as I had. Having a child who constantly needed to see a doctor on top of a move away from everything I knew, I went into a deep depression and avoided people and public situations as I had before.
FITNESS AND NEW PASSION
You can read more in depth about it here, but basically I decided while I was pregnant with our second that I didn’t want to be overweight a year later like I had been with our daughter. I made the decision and haven’t stopped since. Looking back that was really a life changing decision, and I didn’t even know it back then as often the case is when you make decisions. It would give me a new career and passion that I could do with kids around and from home! I started getting certifications to learn more about the body and so that I could teach other women fun formats to bring the excitement and joy of a great workout to them. Life changing!
While teaching I found out I was pregnant for a third time. My husband was deploying and my classes were on nights and weekends. I didn’t want the kids’ lives to change so much and I wanted to be there for them, so I stopped teaching.
STARTING SOMETHING NEW
Over the last couple years I’ve developed an interest and love of the martial arts, so I’ve done TWO new things that I’m very excited for recently: 1. Started Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. 2. Got certified in a new format to teach that involved MMA. What?! Yes! At 35 I’ve done something new and completely out of my comfort zone. My only regret? Not starting these things earlier. I wish I hadn’t spent most of my life caring what others thought and being scared of failing at something. Is speaking in front of people something I’m comfortable with? Not really. But do I enjoy the community of a fitness class and helping and encouraging others on their journey? You bet! I did a video about all this on my Facebook page. Check it out:
It may be scary, but the pay off is worth it. What’s something that kind of scares you, but you’ve just been dying to try? I’d love to hear. Share below…and then go do it! 😉 And if you live in the Savannah/Pooler area, I invite you to come out and join me as I begin my first ever Core de Force class on April 3rd. Just contact Pooler Karate.
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Until next time…
Part of me is wondering who will read this and somehow judge me…yeah, I don’t know why I think these things…and the other part of me doesn’t care. 😉