TODAY I CRIED…
Today, I cried. Not because I was sad, but because I am happy. I’m happy because for the first time in almost three years, I felt like Kelley.
I have been very open about my struggle with depression and anxiety. It’s difficult to share about, but I think it can be helpful to other who may be going through the same thing.
It’s soul crushing. I’ve prayed, taken supplements, cried…I even went to the doctor. In fact, the doctor was the first place I went for help. (Aside from praying.) I also shared this before, the doctor was NOT helpful. They gave me a referral for behavioral health and after a week or two of waiting, they called to schedule an appointment. Since I would be out of town during the appointment days they gave me, they told me I would have to go back to my doctor for a referral. (If you’re a mom, and even more specifically a mom who’s married to someone in the military, you know just how frustrating and ridiculous and time consuming that is.) If the doctors really wanted to helps us they would…but they don’t.
I’VE KEPT GOING
I am able to “do” everything that’s required of me, but I haven’t been doing it well. My brain feels like a jumble of messed up signals that continue to misfire. I knew things needed to get done, but I just couldn’t bring myself to fold one more load of laundry or load or unload one more dish to the dishwasher. (I know that sounds crazy, but that’s how I felt.)
OF COURSE I’M OVERWHELMED…BUT THERE’S MORE TO IT
Yes, I’m frazzled because I’m on overworked mom of three, but I just didn’t feel like I should feel the way I did. I think quite a few things contributed to me getting to this point, but I knew something had to change. So I did something that I prayed would help, but I had attempted it twice within the last two years without success. (The lack of success wasn’t the program or product…it was me. I just couldn’t “do” anything.) If you know me at all, this bothered me. I questioned if I should do it again, but after months of thinking about it and seriously reaching my breaking point, I ordered other “Reset”, and started ten days ago.
I QUESTIONED SHARING
I felt “bad” about doing it because I’m a nutrition coach and know that the body is able to “detox” itself without help. I needed more, and I needed help. But every time I do this program (to completion) I feel amazing. I usually hate the fact that I’m only able to eat certain foods and I have to keep up with a supplement schedule, but I just gave myself over to the process. (But this is one of the things I love about nutrition coaching, I help you find what works for YOU! We are all different, and not everything works for everyone.)
I’M SO INCREDIBLY GLAD I DID
Day one left me with an awful headache. Days two through six left me with horrendous body aches and a rash as toxins left my body.
Let me assure you, these are all real reactions (everyone experiences different things though all these things I’ve share are not uncommon).
Today I cried, but because I feel like Kelley! Slightly hungry, but amazing! I still have 11 days left, but I feel so good about the whole process. Not only was my body letting go of whatever bas built up in my system the last three years, it let go of anger, frustration, sadness, bitterness, depression, and anxiety. Let me be really clear, this does not make everything perfect. I just finally see the light. Like really see it. There’s been a shift. I pray that I’m able to continue to focus on the good (because despite my depression I still tried to find the good in everything and be positive).
If you’re out there and struggling, I understand. But I’m here to give you hope. Your path out of depression might look completely different, and that’s great…but there’s hope. There’s always hope.💕
Until next time…