I Didn’t Get The Birth I Wanted…

I Didn’t Get The Birth I Wanted…

I didn’t get the birth I wanted…at least not the first time around. Childbirth is an extremely personal experience, and I’m not sure you can fully prepare for it even with birth classes and reading tons of books and articles. Even though we weren’t using birth control, finding out we were expecting was a little shocking. I found out two days before my 25th birthday that I was pregnant, and I took two tests and had a doctor confirm it before I actually accepted the results. My husband didn’t seem too thrilled either, and that made me sad. We were facing difficult times in our relationship: he was deploying, we would be moving during/shortly after pregnancy, our house wouldn’t sell…everything seemed “wrong”.

Preparing For Delivery

About a month or two before our first child was due, we signed up for a weekend of birthing classes. It was all you’d need to know about a hospital birth: basic terminology, “typical” procedures, basic questions about labor and delivery answered. I remember sitting in the class and needing to go to the bathroom. (I know, highly unusual for a pregnant woman.) We started the section on c-sections, and I clearly remember thinking, “I won’t need a c-section. There’s no need for me to pay attention to this part. This is a good time to go to the bathroom.” Kind of wish I’d stayed for this part…

My Water Broke!

August 21, 2008 I was standing at the sink in my kitchen when I felt a gush of fluid. We called the hospital, and they said to come on in. So we sort of took our time. I took a shower. We stopped for food (thinking they weren’t going to let me eat once I got there). We arrived about two and a half hours later because we lived about an hour from the hospital. I was told I could walk around to labor, and I wasn’t even having any contractions yet, but the nurse wouldn’t allow me to even get up to pee. The next thing I knew I was in a delivery room with tons of nurses around me.

Totally Unprepared For What Happened Next

The baby’s heart rate was going up and down between 150 bpm to 50 bpm. The doctor came in and said, “If we can’t get the baby’s heartbeat stabilized, we’re going to need to do a c-section.” I just started crying. I couldn’t understand why this was happening. This was NOT the birth I planned. The birth I had planned included an unmedicated labor and delivery with me holding my brand new baby the minute she entered the world. Instead, I was rushed to an operating room where my husband wasn’t allowed because they put me under. Before going under, someone knocked into the glass shelving which held computer equipment that came crashing to the ground. The last thing I remember was someone saying, “Come on guys. Get it together. We do this all the time.”

Jac spent the first 12 days of her life in the NICU. Most of our pictures are hard copies and not digital.
Jac spent the first 12 days of her life in the NICU. Most of our pictures are hard copies and not digital.

The Aftermath

Jacqueline’s birth is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever been through. It sent me into a deep depression. Read more about my struggle with depression here. My faith increased because of this, and sought after God with my whole heart. Without Him, I don’t know how I would have gotten through such difficult times. Everything happened at just the right time with the subsequent pregnancies and each one taught me something new and gave me more confidence in my body’s ability to carry and deliver a baby. If you’d like to hear about one of my VBACs, check out the story of Uriah. (Sweet baby number 3.)

Joseph. My first VBAC.
Joseph. My first VBAC.
Our last baby, and the best pregnancy and delivery.
Our last baby, and the best pregnancy and delivery.

Final Thoughts

Birth is difficult on the brain and the body, but my best advice is to find a birthing method you feel comfortable learning more about and learn all you can about it. Enjoy your pregnancy as much as possible, and know that while you can have a plan sometimes the plan changes. Educate yourself on procedures that are life-saving, as well as find a provider that you trust completely to do what is best for both you and your baby.

 

Do you have a special birth story you’d like to share? If so, I’d love to hear more. 🙂

 

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